Posts Tagged ‘inner child’
Blog Talk Radio Show: How Does Psychotherapy Heal?
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Dr. John Deri’s next Blog Talk Radio Show: Healthy Mind and Body will be on Wednesday, April 28, 2010 from 8-9:00 Pacific Time.
The topic of the episode will be: How Does Psychotherapy Heal Part?
Psychotherapy is a wellspring for new beginnings. At the beginning of a lifetime, the infant forms its first relationship with its mother. The quality of this first human bond will profoundly influence the nature of the child’s subsequent relationships. This assertion is a central tenet of the school of psychology known as attachment theory.
During the Blog Talk Radio Show Dr. Deri will discuss:
(1) The four distinct patterns of attachment: secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganized.
(2) The effect of an infant’s mode of attachment to its mother on the quality of that individual’s subsequent relationships.
(3) How trauma and neglect lead to disturbances in attachment.
(4) How the mother’s own early life attachment history serves as a medium for the transgenerational transmission of trauma.
(5) How does psychotherapy heal?
To listen to the show you can:
Dial the phone in telephone number at (347) 989-0560
OR
Tune in to our online channel at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Healthy-Mind-Body
How Does Psychotherapy Heal, Part II
Psychotherapy and Dependent Origination
The Buddhist theory of dependent origination states that all phenomena are contingent on antecedent conditions. The tree is contingent on the seed, the valley on the glacier and so forth.
This perspective is an extremely valuable lens through which to view the emotions experienced in psychotherapy. A patient responds to a remark of mine with a mixture of pain and anger. She has interpreted her therapist’s comment as a callous attempt to exclude her from his inner world.
The therapist knows from previous work with this patient that she had been severely abused by her father throughout her childhood. Her mother had been completely ineffectual at protecting her daughter from her husband’s rage. Neither parent had the slightest capacity or inclination to allow their daughter into their minds. Children will always try to see the parent as “good,” even at the cost of believing themselves to be “bad”. So, this little girl gradually developed a view of herself as deficient and unworthy.
In her psychotherapy, much work has been devoted to a reconstruction of her memories of this early life trauma. The terrifying effects of the physical abuse had been greatly compounded by her rage and panic due to her “solitary confinement”. She had lived her entire childhood utterly alone, despite the physical proximity of her parents.
Freud’s conception of therapeutics had a somewhat cognitive bent. Remembering the original trauma would afford the patient insight into his own woundedness. This insight would constitute the vital element that would enable the patient to heal.
Freud’s younger contemporaries, Sandor Ferenczi and Otto Rank, held a very different viewpoint. They believed that only a repetition of the original trauma within the psychotherapy relationship would have the power to heal the patient. They felt that only through repetition would the patient’s original memories be reactivated with sufficient force and feeling to break through the barrier of dissociation.
The aliveness of the feelings associated with early life trauma, reexperienced within the transference, allows these feelings to be revised and reworked within the context of a caring therapy relationship.
This healing is never a one time process. In the case of my patient, we repeatedly respond to each other in ways that leave her feeling hurt and excluded. Each time this occurs, we struggle together to delineate her process from my process. Each time, we view and review the relationship between the present and the past. As we do so, she has come to recognize that she does have access to my mind, and to my feelings. My positive regard for her is genuine and deep.
With each repetition, she emerges stronger and healthier. The perseverative reenactment of her original wounding, through the shadow play of the transference and the countertransference, engages a gradual but inexorable healing process. The critical difference between the past and the present is the outcome of the traumatic clash. In the here and now of the psychotherapy relationship, each repetition of the crisis resolves with enhanced mutual trust and deeper closeness between us.
In her parenting and in her work, this lady has become a beacon of hope and an agent of healing for others. Within her psychotherapy relationship, two wounded healers have been brought together for the purpose of mutual healing.
I would like to express my deep gratitude to my patient for graciously permitting me to make use of our work in the context of this essay. It is her intention to help to relieve the suffering of others through the sharing of her story.
Vacations Are Essential to Mental Health
When I was 15 years old, I had the opportunity to accompany a group of psychologists on a trip to the Soviet Union. Our group was given a behind the scenes tour of the Soviet mental health system. The first intervention that was offered to a stressed out worker was a two week vacation at a resort on the Black Sea. As a teenager, this “prescription” struck me as somewhat primitive. I have come to appreciate its wisdom.
No matter how much we might love our work, a periodic change of pace, and change of scene, are crucial for maintaining our psychic equilibrium. The human nervous system habituates to sameness. Both behaviorally and neurophysiologically, we get stuck in a rut. We cease to remain fully awake and alert. We begin to “go through the motions” of living. In the extreme, life can begin to feel “stale, flat and unprofitable,” in Hamlet’s words.
Christopher Bollas, an American psychoanalyst with a PhD in English literature, writes that a particular experience “sponsors” a specific state of mind, or “self state.” Thus, if we perpetually repeat the same routine day after day, for months at a time, we drastically circumscribe the experience of who we are. There is a tendency for us to think the same thoughts, and to feel the same feelings. This circumscription can lead not only to boredom with our lives, but as well with whom we are.
Vacations are the portal for new experiences, of the world and of ourselves. Among the many wonderful benefits that we can experience when we are on vacation
- Leaving the world of work for a time allows us to relax.
- Our body and mind uncoil themselves.
- We breathe more deeply.
- Mental focus expands.
- We think new thoughts, we perceive new possibilities.
- Vacations often provide the opportunity for inspirations that transform our lives in myriad ways.
Vacations are strongly associated with childhood memories. Most of us had more regular, more frequent and longer vacations as children than we do as adults. Vacations can allow us to contact our “inner child.” We become so used to suppressing this dimension of ourselves in the service of functioning as “mature adults.” How sad, what a huge loss, if maturity comes to preclude the qualities of playfulness and fun that make life an adventure. Cultivate a relationship with your inner child. Ask him or her what s/he would most enjoy doing. When your child and your adult selves are living life in dialogue with one another, you will feel continually refreshed and fully alive. On vacation, past and present can commingle, giving rise to new visions for the future.
For those of us who live in urban areas, vacations can offer a time to return to nature. The infinite sensory experiences of nature, e.g. the scent of pine trees after rain, are the best tonic for depression and anxiety. Opening up to nature promotes an expansive self state, in which we somehow feel closer, or indeed one with, the realm of spirit.
In this era of economic uncertainty and anxiety, it is all too easy to cut out all vacation spending as one means of saving money. Remember the words of Wordsworth:
The world is too much with us…
Getting and spending we lay waste our powers…
Penny wise, and pound foolish. If we are not mindful, we can end up killing the golden goose: namely, ourselves.


